Decluttering A Marriage {Life Simplified}

My husband (James) and I will have been married 10 years this coming June.

The longer you are married, the longer you have had time to acquire junk in your marriage. By junk I mean things that do not positively impact your relationship. You have longer to keep score on each others good deeds as well as the wrong-doings. The honeymoon period has been over for awhile and the real you has surfaced. The every day you. The....not showered....unshaven....sloppy you. The not always nice...the not always positive you surfaces.

 

  Then take that marriage and start it with a 5 year old...and then add two more kids....and our announcement we made last week of one more baby on the way! Life does not get easier the more kids you have, it can becomes more complicated...thus the importance of decluttering every area of my life so that I can actually have time to enjoy these crazy people I call my family!


So, we are starting at the head and working our way down. First up is decluttering my marriage.

 

Jennifer Flanders book "25 Ways to Communicate Respect to Your Husband" a honey jar, and Justin & Trish Davis' book "Beyond Ordinary"

This idea started a few weeks ago when my friend Debbie shared this article titled 25 Ways to Communicate Respect. As I read the article I agreed with it all and that noticed that there is a follow up article for the husbands 25 Ways to Show Your Wife You Love Her. THEN I noticed that Jennifer wrote a book based on her list for the wives after she received such a huge response to her original post. So, naturally I hopped onto Amazon and purchased 2 copies. Why two?...well...hang in there, you will see why. 

Here is more about the book:

 So then while waiting patiently for the book I had sent both articles to my husband to read...you know just in case he wanted to put any of the things into practice. wink wink.  To my surprise he not only read the articles, but when he came home had printed a copy of each one. His idea was to used the honey jar that he got me for Christmas to help us put these things into practice.

I had this vision months ago of a mason jar filled with positive affirmations and prayers to pray over our boys daily. Something that my husband and I would do to encourage our kids. Like most projects, the thought was good but I just hadn't gotten around to it. I was then reminded of it when I was at Allume. It was at the end of one of the worship sessions that a dear new friend Kate came and prayed for me as I was crying at the alter with a heaviness on my heart. She spoke these words over me "I have a picture for you of a large mason jar overflowing with honey. It was running over and pooling up around all sides. He (Jesus) is that sweetness spilling over into every area of your life. Others can't help but get His goodness on them, too. You are a vessel of His sweet goodness." Wow, talk about a flood of emotion. My mind was immediately reminded of the honey jar that I had dreamed up months ago. The honey is representative of God's word that talks about how powerful our words are. There is life and death in the tongue! What you speak over your people, your circumstances, and your life in general make a huge impact on everything that you do!

So I took those two printed lists and cut them up. Twenty-five for the wife and twenty-five for the husband. I then put them into the honey jar. Once a week we each draw a new one and that is what we each focus on and pray about that week.

 

The second book that I am reading simultaneously with the first one mentioned is "Beyond Ordinary" by Justin & Trisha Davis. What is fabulous about this book is that it is written by both the husband and the wife so you are getting both points of view on marriage situations. 

I can already see a difference in our marriage...and naturally it is trickling down through the entire family...and hopefully the example we are leading will also trickle down onto the people around us....hopefully they won't be able to help but see the light of Jesus shining through us and to desire that same light on the inside of them!

What about you?What are you working on simplifying? Your house, your home, your business? Join our link-up below! Also, don't forget to check out what all of our Life: Simplified Project team members are working on in their own lives.

Lastly, would you like to have your own copy of Jennifer Flanders book, 25 Ways to Communicate Respect to Your Husband? Leave a comment telling me what areas of your life you would like to or are working on simplifying...and you will be entered in the giveaway! One comment per person. Only open to US and Canada. Check back here next Monday as I reveal the winner! The giveaway ends Sunday evening at 6:00 PM CST. 

**I was not paid or compensated in any way shape or form by any of the people mentioned in this post. There are also no affiliate links in this post. All opinions are my own and the book I purchased.**

Live by Example

 

I thank God for giving me this example as parents of what sticking through marriage means. The good times, the bad times, the hard time, the rich times, the poor times, the healthy times, the sick times, the super trying wish you could run away times, the super rewarding love bubbling over times....all of it...my parents have survived 50 years of marriage...they got through being 17 and 19 when they were married. They got through having twins and a 2 year old by the time they were 19 and 21 years old. They got through the times that they were not living a holy life...and they have lived through 37 years as Christians in the ministry...and still counting. As I type this my dad is in Kenya for yet another missions trip...and my mother is hard at work sewing making handbags for my upcoming Allume conference trip next week. 

 My experience with my parents is not like that of my siblings...My oldest brother is 15 years older...the twins are 12 years older...and my closest in age sister is 9 years older than I. They grew up together fighting and playing together. I grew up with what seemed like a whole lot of aunts and uncles...becoming an Aunt myself at the age of 12. They grew up during the really hard times in their marriage pre-Christianity....I grew up with my dad becoming a pastor the year I was born. I grew up looking up to my siblings thinking every move they made was so cool and I wanted to be just like them! I had our parents all to myself....while they all had to share amongst each other.

 Growing up so differently, yet we have so much in common. Each of us 5 kids are married, and we each of 3 kids. I love my family, so much. Are any of us perfect, no....but I love the imperfections as well. The years of our families growing older...and our kids beginning to branch out into adult relationships....marriages of their own and kids of their own lurking around the corners...the days and years where we see less of each other is coming closer as we all strive to hold on to our own families for as long as we can before our own children branch out and spend holidays at their in-laws homes...I will cling to these days as long as I can! Just a little longer...please! We have a cumulative of 154 years of marriage all together!

Sisters.....oh my that is a whole other post. I love my sisters.

Blessed beyond measure...

Wedded Wednesday-Bliss or Bust?

Wedded Wednesday is being hosted by Johanna from These Prices. Head on over there if you would like to see more entries! OR if you would like to join in on the link up!

Honestly...who doesn't like an excuse to pull out the wedding photos and share them? To remember what you "used to" look like...before you gained 30 pounds and had baby number 2...

James & I celebrated our 6th year of wedded bliss this month. We went away for a long weekend to a spa in the Wisconsin Dells..which I keep forgetting to blog about but totally will soon!

Really, to use the term "wedded bliss" would be a little bit of a lie. These first 6 years have definitely come with some challenges. Entering into a marriage where one of you has been married before..and the other came as a package deal with a 5 year old..and thinking that your love for each other is all that you would need...is a little out there. Honestly, you need the love, but you also need God, and COUNSELING! Everybody in the world has "baggage" of some sort, but we entered into things with a little extra. We do have one thing going for us though, we started counseling before we even got married! Actually we had only been dating for 2 weeks before we started meeting with our Pastor regularly. We even had him test our temperments. Yep, aside from all the other challenges, we are COMPLETE OPPOSITES! It is true, opposites attract! We see things in others that we wish we had, little did we know that the very things that attracted us to each other would someday also drive us bonkers!

James would be what you would call a Type A personality. Needs to have things in order. Needs to be in control. Doesn't need affection. But does need a lot of positive reinforcement through support and respect. He is a great business man. He can see the end in something before he gets started. He follows through on things. James could live in a house with nothing in it expect a few essential items, white walls, no clutter. Clutter shuts his brain down. He has to go away, usually fishing, by himself in the middle of no where to recharge. James is 5 minutes early for everything (at least he used to be before we got married). James is an optimist.

I, on the other hand, don't like to be controlled. I need lots of affection. I think positive affirmation is cheesy unless it is unexpected. I DO like it when I get a compliment, but I don't like it when someone tells me I should compliment them. It doesn't seem genuine. I am a dreamer, probably a "somewhere over the rainbow" thinker. I could go weeks without doing laundry and be perfectly ok with it. I like to have the house decorated and full of life. I would rather spend my time with people than cleaning. Spending an evening with friends would be how I recharge. I like to be in group settings when I feel comfortable. I don't follow through the best. I am a procrastinator and put everything off until the last minute. I am late for everything. I am a pescimist.

So, as you can see, we have a few areas that clash. However, these things...when we can get over our own pride...can compliment each other quite well. Knowing these things about each other before we ever said "I do" has helped. Knowing what to expect out of each other. Knowing how to react to each other.

Did we know when we said "I do" that we would spend the first 4-1/2 years heart broken when we weren't conceiving? No, we expected to be pregnant after the honeymoon! This really did impact the first years of our marriage. We were so hyperfocused on having a baby that it kinda killed some of the joy we could have been experiencing.

But then later to get to experience the joy of finally conceiving and giving birth to our second child...complete bliss! Still unbelievable, and still forever thanking God and ashamed at doubting His timing.

We have a long time to get all the kinks worked out...and we are in this thing for the long haul. With challenges come more experiences, more testimonies...and more ability to help others who may have or may be going through similar things.

Thanks for stopping by for my first edition of Wedded Wednesday!