Unlocked

A while back I read the book "Unlocked" by Karen Kingsbury. It is about an Autistic boy who hadn't talked or barely communicated verbally for years and years. It took the bravery and dedication of one girl, a friend to "Unlock" his ability to communicate.

Yesterday I had an "Unlocked" break through at church. I sing. I have always been able to sing, I have always LOVED to sing. Music is one of the biggest things that speaks to me. However, when singing in front of others, I have always held back. I rarely ever, probably never just belted it out in a way where there was no holding back. Primarily due to fear of messing up. If I sing loud...but not TOO loud and not TOO spectacular...it would be easier to hide any imperfections in my notes or if I mess up a word or phrase. Yesterday, was a day unlike any other. We did 3 songs which were all pretty new to our praise band. All by Jesus Culture. Freedom Reigns (Where the Spirit of the Lord is), Worthy is the Lamb, You Won't Relent. We did great with all of them, but You Won't Relent was the show stopper. First time through it went "ok". But then I stepped out of God's way and He showed up in a big way. I sang like I have never sang (In front of other people) before! It was like something was unlocked. It was amazing. "I" wasn't amazing. It was God working through me and the entire Praise band that was amazing.

On my drive home I started thinking...I have always seen myself being able to sing and perform like I did on Sunday. But I had never actually achieved it. Sunday I achieved it. Now I KNOW that I can do it, and if feels liberating. Do you know what it is like to know that you have a gift, but for 32 years to have never fully used it? Its kind of like having the cure to cancer 2 feet away from you, you can see it, but it is locked behind a 10 inch piece of bullet proof glass.

Then I started thinking about my weightloss rollercoaster. If you have been with me for awhile you will remember, if not...here is the history. Just 4 weeks ago I was back up to 242 pounds. Just 2 years ago when I first went public with my weight I was 243.2. I lost weight, got down to 218, got pregnant, got up to 255 during my pregnancy, lost weight back down to 225 within a couple weeks of giving birth. Then slowly crept back up maxing out at 242. In the last couple of weeks I have slowly been getting motivated and changing little habits. I have already lost 6 pounds and am down to 236. I have been toying with the idea of signing up for Medifast for months. My friend Debby has been on it this last year and has lost 60 pounds. She looks amazing! I know how to diet, I know what I have to eat, I know how to excercise. Most overweight people do know how to do all of this because we have tried it ALL! I am only committing to 30 days of this plan, there were no contracts. I just need something to kick start me and help me get my habits turned around. The more simple things are, the easier it will be to stick with it.

Back to my thinking on Sunday. I started thinking about how I have always invisioned and dreamed about being skinny. I could see it happening, but always holding back on my full potential. I would lose a bunch of weight and then soon after sabotauge myself somehow. I would like to think THIS is MY SEASON. My season of unlocking my full potential in all areas of my life.

It's my turn! I am sick of sitting back watching other people enjoy what life has to offer!

Making a plan

So, 17 days to go before I fly across America to an area I have never been to. Sight-seeing? Shopping? Ocean? Nope....the only sight seeing I will be doing is on my hikes through mountains in Malibu California. The only shopping I will be doing is at the Biggest Loser Resort Store. Ocean...I might get to see it on my flight in and out. I didn't schedule any leisure days on my trip...just work work work. Not a "nose in the computer" kind of trip. Not a "sit in boring long classes and let your butt get sore" kind of work trip. Not a "sip wine and mingle with colleagues" kind of work.

What is the kind of work? Work on me! My body AND my mind! Pushing myself to places I have never been. Proving to my body that it is not a lazy couch potato. Proving to my family that I DO love them enough to want to live a long life with them. A life that includes camping and adventures...not just movies and gameboard days.

So what is my plan for not dieing on the first day? Well...it certainly isn't to wait until the day before I leave to start excercising. Nope, started yesterday. I got up at 6:30 and walked 1.2 miles. Not a whole lot, but it was something. This morning I got up at 5:45 and walked 1.8 miles. I thought for sure I had walked 2 miles, but guess I was just shy. Tomorrow...I plan to walk 2.5 miles as well as do more working out aerobically. I have put a call into the local YMCA for the fitness director to give me a call. I would like to see if they can get me into classes every day, except Sunday, until the trip. Can't wait to see what they have to offer me!

Remember last November? That is when I revealed my weight to the world. A scary thing to do, but it was also very liberating. My whole life I loathed the thought of anyone ever finding out this "number" as if the number was a secret. As if nobody would know just how obese I was if they didn't know the number. Perhaps they would think that I weigh much less. Perhaps I just look pleasantly plump and not obese. Wrong wrong wrong. I have seen the pictures, there is no way that it can be mistaken. When I started this journey last November I was 243.6 pounds. In my initial efforts I had lost 25 pounds and got down to 218.6. I was there for a little while. I teetered and toyed between 222 & 230 for the last 6 months though. As of yesterday morning, I am at 225. Which is the lowest I have been for a couple of months.

My plan is: to get down to at least 218 before I leave. That means another 7 pounds in 17 days. I am pretty sure I can do it! This loss, combined with whatever I lose in California, should give me the jump start I need to stay motivated on the downward slope of this rollercoaster ride.

Oh yeah...and if you read my post early this week about having babies on the brain...now I am really hoping I am not pregnant this month, and I will be ok if I don't get pregnant for a few more months. I would like to be healthy enough that my next pregnancy goes smoothly and that I can continue working out while pregnant.

ttfn, I must get off the couch now!