The cats out of the bag

The cat is out of the bag, so I might as well share it here too. I told this news to a few family members...in what I thought was private....but it turned out to hit the family newsline. There are so many of us we might as well have our own newspaper. I didn't think the news was anything I wanted everyone to know because well...it's about my cervix. Yep...my cervix is family news.

A few weeks ago I had my first ever abnormal pap. I am pretty good about getting my yearly pap done give or take a few months. This abnormal pap called for another test for follow up. The next test was called a colposcopy. This is where they clip a small sample of tissue from the cervix to have it tested. The results aren't what I had hoped for. Evidentally there are 5 levels to pre-cancerous cells: Mild dysplasia, Moderate dysplasia, severe dysplasia, carcinoma, or full-blown cancer. My pre-cancerous cells are carcinoma...yep....just one measly step away from having cervical cancer. I was alone when I got this news, and I cried...a lot. I am of course thankful that this was caught now, rather than later when it had developed into cancer. but the realization that I am just that close to having cancer is scary. Every day knowing this stuff is still in my body, having to wait to be removed I am wondering if it is growing, how fast it grows...etc. After my next period (TMI, should start by end of next week), I will have a cone biopsy done. This is where they put me under general anesthesia and go in and remove a portion of my cervix in hopes of removing the precancerous cells.

I keep being told to be positive, and I am trying...I really am trying. My good friend and also associate pastor gave me a song to hold onto in my spirit "The mountains are His, The valleys are His, the Stars are his handy work too...my God is so BIG, so STRONG and so MIGHTY, there's nothing my God can not do!"

The reality of the position my mind is in right now is this. Since March 1st, I have endured 2 car accidents, 5 ER visits, 2 hospital stays, at least 10 doctor appointments, and now this whole cervical situation. I am slightly worn down, not able to endure this on my own. I have no other alternative than to lean on someone, something...and it won't be my husband that holds me up...it won't be my kids or my parents that hold me up. It won't be my twitter, facebook, or even my bloggy friends that hold me up. There is only one person that can pull me outta this one. God will have to be my strength, my healer, my all in all!

Oh, and just because I will not be leaning on you all for my strength...doesn't mean I won't accept your prayers! Please do! Pray for healing, pray for my anxious nerves to be calm, pray for my family to be able to live with me on days I might not be coping the nicest, and prayers for me to have a healthy long life!